English humour

I selected my favourites from PETER KAY

1)When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

2) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

3) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

4) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.